Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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