Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Randomize
