ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize