Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
