I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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