She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
