Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
