I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
