mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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