The maid of honor just puked.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
