My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm always down for nudity.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
