So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Sorry about my life...
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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