do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
