I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
