i think i have two assholes
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
