he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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