Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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