the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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