I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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