Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
