No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
