There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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