omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
