wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
