we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize