You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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