All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
