'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
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