Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
