Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
