She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
