Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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