Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
