The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
