The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
