Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize