It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
