I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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