Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
