it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can I color on your dick again?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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