So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
