Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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