I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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