the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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