He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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