So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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