She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
