bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
