This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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