I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
