Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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