Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
cat food counts as protein by the way
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
