I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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