We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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