Porn is love you can see.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
this just has baby written all over it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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