There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
