If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
