my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
