haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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