Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
