I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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