You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
