Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
