she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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