I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I currently don't understand fingers.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
