you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
