is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
