Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
