There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
